


coming home

by Seekerleviosa109



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, Mentions of brainwashing, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:03:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5179568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seekerleviosa109/pseuds/Seekerleviosa109
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if something else broke hydra’s control of Bucky before the events in Captain America 2, but after the avengers?<br/>A one-shot in which Bucky manages to find his way back to Steve.<br/>This takes place after the events from the avengers, but before captain america: the winter soldier</p>
            </blockquote>





	coming home

It all started because of a mission.

The asset was on a mission in Romania during the alien attack on New York. He was informed that it would be a low ranking mission by his handlers, so he was expected to complete the mission in 3 days tops. He was handed a name and a picture, and he had to find the target, collect information by any means necessary, and eventually eliminate the target.

At the moment he was in the outskirts of Focșani, and he had the target, Andrei Funar: a 43-year-old salesman, tied to a chair in the bedroom of the safehouse he had found the target in.

The room was small, without any windows to let the sunlight in. There was a copious amount of mold on the wall, and the floor was littered with garbage. There was also an old bed with a moldy mattress on it, a closet that was barely standing upright, and a lamp that scarcely worked.

The safehouse was far enough from civilization that nobody would hear Funar screaming, but before the asset could even begin using his knife collection on him the man was already babbling all about the weapon smuggler he was working for.

Sometimes the reputation of the asset really preceded him.

The asset decided to make quick work of Funar before returning to the base. This mission went a lot swifter than he had presumed, so maybe he wouldn’t have to go on the chair as long as was custom.

He walked out of the bedroom and made his way towards the front door when something caught his attention: in the corner of the tiny living room was a TV showing the news. There was a waitress who was being interviewed about someone called ‘captain America’.

Once upon a time, before the asset became who he was, he would have found her to be quite the catch. Now however, he simply kept staring at her. She had mentioned someone called ‘captain America’ and it sounded almost familiar to the asset, like he used to know someone called ‘captain America’, but at the same time the name felt wrong. It felt like the name should have been something else, but the asset simply didn’t remember anymore.

He turned around and walked back to the front door. Something was wrong; he should go to the base and report the glitch in his memory. It wasn't normal for him to start remembering, he wasn't allowed to do so. Just before the asset walked out, he looked back one last time at the TV just in time to see a picture of a man appearing.

The asset held his breath for a while as he walked back to the TV. In 3 quick strides he was plastered before it.

This man…

He knew this man.

The blond man in the picture was cleanly shaven, had a very strong jaw and a straight nose.

But what made the asset stop were his eyes, the man had one of the bluest eyes the asset had ever seen, and it was what made the asset so certain he knew this man.

He had seen those eyes before.

_Bucky stumbled up the stairs. Normally he was a moderate drinker, and he would usually manage to charm a girl enough to get her to dance with him at the dance hall, but not tonight. Tonight was different. Today America had learned about the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese._

_Everybody knew what was going to happen; they were going to go to war. There was no way the American government won’t retaliate after the loss of thousands of American lives._

_By the time Bucky got to the top of the stairs he could see that the door to Steve’s and his apartment was already open. Steve was standing in the doorway, and he was looking at him with that concerned look that always made Bucky feel like he was the shittiest friend in the world for making Stevie worry about him._

_But that wasn’t the only thing that Bucky had noticed. Steve was holding himself stiff, like he always did when he was hurt somewhere and trying desperately not to show it. He had a wound on his temple that was oozing slightly and one of his eyes was shut tight and looking purple. His hair and clothing was disarrayed, and not in a good way._

_He felt like he was suddenly doused in water, the buzzy feeling from the alcohol left him immediately as he looked more critically up and down at Steve._

_“What the hell happened?”_

_He had to ask, even though he knew what had happened. This was how it went. He asked, and then Steve would try to avoid the questioning. Eventually Steve would tell him he got into a fight, Bucky would threaten whoever had thought of even laying a finger on Steve, and Steve would say that he can handle it and start talking about how he couldn’t just not stand up to the wrongness of the world._

_“Tonight was different, Buck.” Steve said, “This wasn’t just about something small. Someone was insulting the sailors who had died during the attack.”_

_Bucky sighed. “Come on, let’s go inside and clean you up.”_

_“I’m fine.” Steve insisted, as Bucky led him to the kitchen table and sat him down on a chair._

_“You don’t always need to take care of me Bucky; it’s not your job.”_

_“Hey, I’m your friend, and it’s what friends do.”_

_He walked to the sink to wet a towel, and went back to Steve, who was sitting in one of their kitchen chair looking dejectedly at the ground._

_"I'm sorry for making you worry."_

_Bucky slowly took Steve’s chin in his hands and guided his face upwards and towards the light. Then he began dabbing the wound lightly to clean it up. The wound wasn’t so big that it would require stitches, but they’ll need to keep an eye on it and be careful  not to let it get infected._

_“I take care of you, okay? It’s what I always do. I’m with you till the end of the line, punk.”_

_"I know, jerk."_

The asset shook his head. He remembered this man; he had once known him, taken care of him even. He was supposed to… protect him?

Yes. He remembers protecting this man.

So maybe that was how he knew the man from the television, it was his mission to protect this man. Till the end of the line. The asset had no idea what line, but that wasn’t going to stop him from completing his mission.

He looked back at the television.

He could see the man fighting against aliens. The asset frowned. This was ridiculous; the man was barely even paying attention to his own safety. It would be safer for him to get out of the fight, to leave New York. But somehow the asset knew that the man didn’t run away from fights.

The asset stayed in front of the TV and made himself familiar with the man. The man was named ‘Steve Rogers’, but he was mostly known as ‘captain America’. He was currently in Brooklyn, New York and led a team called ‘the avengers’ who were the self-proclaimed heroes of the world.

After the news was over the asset looked around again. The sun had gone down by now, and the body in the room next to him was beginning to smell. The asset wrinkled his nose.

He had 2 different options on how to proceed now. This confused him, seeing as he normally didn’t have a lot of choices. He wondered vaguely if he’s ever even been able to choose something in his life. Probably not.

On the one hand he could go back to the base and report the success of his current mission, as well as his failed mission to protect Steve Rogers. Perhaps they didn’t know yet that the man-no, wait. Rogers. That Rogers was in trouble.

But if they knew on the other hand... What if they knew he was in trouble and had expected the asset to take care of him? Obviously the asset had failed in protecting Rogers, or Rogers wouldn’t be on the news fighting aliens. In that case he would be punished.

The asset shuddered. It’s been a while since he’s had a real punishment. He gets punished from time to time as to not forget his place, but if he does something wrong, especially if he doesn’t complete a mission…

No! He had to complete the mission. It’s what he was made for. Without missions he had no purpose. He was a weapon, and if he malfunctioned he would be thrown away.

The asset shuddered. he knew that he had to complete this mission. He had to keep Steve Rodgers safe.

So it was decided. The asset needed to go to New York to protect this man. Because if this man was not safe, than the asset’s mission wasn’t complete yet.

The nearest airport was Bucharest Băneasa Aurel Vlaicu, which was about 2.5 hours with a car. The asset managed to hotwire a car and, after leaving all his weapons behind and stealing civilian clothes and a backpack from Funar, started to make his way to the airport.

_“Remember when we were in school and we had to write an essay on where we see ourselves in 10 years?” Steve asked him as Dum Dum was teaching the rest of the Howling Commandos how to hotwire a car._

_“Yeah, what about it?” Bucky asked. He was tired, which made him irritated, which, in turn, made him more likely to snap a people. He tried not to snap at Steve though; he would immediatly know something was wrong. He would find out about the nightmares._

_He was having nightmares about what hydra did to him, and he hadn’t told anyone._

_After they returned to the camp and the euphoria of being free died down a bit, a lot of soldiers were interrogated so that they could get as much information about hydra as possible._

_Bucky had told them as much as he could, but he hadn’t told them about the torture. He still dreamt about it though. What they did to him haunted him in his sleep. He had almost forgotten who he was, and that thought made him afraid._

_The thought alone of someone stealing his memories… It was one of the worst things that could happen to someone according to Bucky._

_“Well, It’s just that I didn’t really expected to be in Nazi-Germany, learning how to hotwire a car. I can almost feel nun Mary her disappointed stare at me.”_

_Bucky sniggered at that thought._

_“Nun Mary would never look disappointed at you. She probably expected it from me though. Always thought you were a little angel at school and that I was leading you into trouble.”_

_Bucky smirked at Steve “Ah, if only she knew it was the other way around.”_

The asset frowned while he drove on the highway. Ever since seeing Rogers on the TV he had started to remember more and more. It were always just flashes, certain things that he remembered.

It made him uncomfortable, he wasn't allowed to remember from hydra, but hydra had also thaught him that the mission was the most important thing, and missions always got priority.

What bothered the asset the most was that Rogers looked different in the 2 memories. What had happened to him? Was it because the asset had failed to protect him somehow that he had changed? Was that why he was having nightmares in the memories? Was it because he had failed his mission?

And why was Rogers calling him Bucky? He didn’t even have a name, seeing as he wasn’t human. He was a weapon, and weapons didn’t have names.

Maybe...

Maybe it was his code name, while he was protecting Rogers.

The asset tried the name out slowly. “Bucky”. It sounded right somehow. The asset found that he quite liked this codename. Especially since it was the codename that Rogers had given him.

For now his codename had to be something else though.

During every mission he received a fake identity, as well as some money in case something went wrong and he had to get away quickly. This mission he had gotten papers that ‘proved’ his name was ‘Gregory Brook’. The asset did not like this name.

He thought about his plan to go to New York. It could be that his handlers wouldn’t understand his new mission parameters and would try to persuade him to abandon the mission, but the asset couldn’t do that. Not yet.

He needed to make sure that Rogers was going to be safe.

His current mission was planned to last 3 days, so he had at least another 2 day and a half left until somebody figured out he wasn’t coming back until his new mission was completed.

By the time the asset arrived at the airport he had come up with a semblance of a plan.

He would take a plane to Washington, find a handler and look up as much information on his current mission as he could, make his way to New York and keep Rogers safe.

Traveling to Washington instead of New York should make his plan at least a bit less conspicuous, besides there was also a hydra base in Washington, so that’ll make it easier to find a handler for information.

While he was buying a ticket he decided to observe the people around him and tried to blend in as much as possible by following their example. He noticed that a lot of young males were wearing their underwear visible from over their jeans, and that their belt was far too loose. The asset decided he didn’t want to try that: if he had to run or fight and his pants would fall down, then he’d be at a serious disadvantage. He didn't understand why they held their pants so low.

He observed the person before him as he bought a ticket. He tried to adapt the same mannerisms, and he thought he was doing okay until the end. The asset tried to smile at the civilian behind the desk, but she only looked at him weirdly.

The asset frowned. Blending in was a lot harder than he thought it would be. After he went through all the check-ups he made his way to the bathroom.

When he entered there was nobody, so he turned towards the mirror and practiced smiling. It wasn’t one of his skills, and it was quickly becoming obvious to him that he would need it if he didn’t want anyone to notice him.

The metal arm had given him enough of attention already.

After a while it was time for him to board the plane, so the Asset took his backpack and went to the right Hangar.

He went to stand in the queue, and after copying the behavior of the person before him, managed to get on the plane. There was a woman on the plane who took the ticket from his hand and looked at it.

“I’ll help you to your chair, sir.” She said, and then she winked at him

The asset froze.

Not the chair, he hadn’t done anything wrong yet. Had he? He had always learned that the most important thing was to finish the mission. So what he was doing wasn’t wrong technically, was it? Was the wink some kind of sign of torture? How was he supposed to know? He didn’t like chairs, but he saw everyone else sitting down so he supposed that it wouldn’t be a chair like in the lab.

The woman led him to the end of the plane and pointed to the place at the window.

The asset quickly sat down, and after take-off he relaxed a bit. He was on his way to America, and then he’d be able to protect Rogers! He was going to make sure that he wasn’t going to fail this mission.

The asset looked in front of him. There was a pamphlet with instructions on what to do in case of emergencies. He decided to study them until he knew them by heart. You never know, maybe Rogers prefers flying around a lot?

After a while the other passengers began to fall asleep one by one, until only the asset and the stewardess who led him to his chair were still awake.

She had been making eye contact with him for a while, but every time he stared at her she would look away. It confused the asset. He wondered if she was working for hydra. Maybe she was giving him some kind of sign he didn’t understand yet. Sometimes they didn’t explain anything to him, just so that they could punish him if he did something wrong. This ensured that he was always attentive and able to adapt quickly to any situation.

Suddenly the stewardess got up, took a package with her and started to make her way over to him. The asset eyed her warily. He wondered if anyone would notice if she disappeared for the rest of the flight.

 “Would you like a blanket, sir? You’re shaking like a leaf”

Why would he need a blanket? Maybe she was giving him a weapon. But a blanket won’t replace any of the weapons he had to leave behind in Romania. He supposed he could try and strangle someone with it, in case he needed a weapon. But still.

“Why?” maybe it would be explained to him.

“Uhm… It’s supposed to stop you from feeling cold?” The stewardess bit her lip and suddenly looked uncertain at him.

The asset liked that idea, he hated the cold.

_He can’t escape. Oh God. What if they never let him out again?_

_He reaches with his hand towards the glass to tell them, beg them to stop._

_Please , god please, stop._

_Don’t do this._

_Why?_

_What did he do wrong?_

_He doesn't understand._

_He’s afraid to cry out because he thinks that if he cries now he won’t stop._

_But it’s too late and he feels his body freezing, and he feels the cold  enter his bones._

The asset looked at her name tag as he cleared his throat. “Ah. Thank you, Lisa”.

“It’s no problem sir.” The woman said, as she started to blush.

The asset pulled the blanket out of the package and draped it over himself. It was warm and soft, so the asset decided to himself that he quite liked blankets. There should be more blanket-related missions.

The stewardess looked at him again and he decided to smile at her. She smiled back, which he counted as a succes. The asset decided that his smiling practice had proven fruitful.

The woman looked like she was going to stay awake, and she was an ally, so the asset would trust her enough to protect him while he slept.

He hadn’t planned to sleep on the flight, but he was warm, comfortable and tired. Before he knew it he had started to drift off.

_He dreamt about the war._

_He and Steve were talking at a bar, and suddenly Peggy appeared behind them in that stunning red dress of hers, taking up all the attention in the bars. Bucky let his eyes roam over her freely, as was expected of him by now. But when he looked back at Steve he saw him do the same._

_He knew that he should be happy for Steve; he had finally found a pretty dame who was interested in him. As his best friend he should be overjoyed right now._

_But it hurt though. It hurt that Steve didn’t even look at him that way, that Peggy was just standing there and getting Steve to look at him like that for free._

_But he wasn’t going to ruin their relationship, because Steve deserved this. He just had to keep telling himself that. Steve was going to be with Peggy, and he was going to be so fucking supportive that they’ll grow sick of it._

_Because that’s what he did. He stood by Steve’s side and he never left goddamnit._

_And suddenly they weren’t standing in the bar anymore, and he was lying in the snow, and looking through a sniper scope. He could see Steve walking towards the enemy base, and he could see a soldier appearing from behind a boulder._

_Steve hadn’t seen the soldier yet, and the soldier was pointing his gun at him, so Bucky quickly shot him down. He looked back to see if Steve was all right just in time to see the idiot saluting at him, as if he wasn’t standing in full sight in front of an enemy base._

_‘Idiot’ he murmured softly, as he tried to ignore the fluttering of his heart._

Miles above the Atlantic, the asset awoke with a light layer of sweat on his forehead. He gasped and immediately tried to stay as silent as possible while he looked around him to assess the situation. Everyone was still asleep, and the stewardess had started to watch a movie on a tablet.

Nobody was paying attention to him.

This new memory wasn’t as good as the others, frankly it was one of the worst that the asset thought he could have.

Why on earth was Rogers walking towards the enemy lines?

That wasn’t good for protecting his life.

He hated himself. He hated himself, and he felt so stupid!

This was probably why he wasn’t protecting Rogers anymore. It wasn’t because Rogers was safe and he didn’t need protection anymore; it was because the asset failed to keep him safe. What was he thinking? Letting Rogers get in full view of an enemy soldier, and then the idiot just turned around, with his back to the enemy base? Did he have any self-preservation?

This was his entire fault.

Maybe Rogers had gotten another asset.

For some reason that thought made the asset’s heart clench painfully.

No.

He didn’t like that. He couldn’t have screwed up so bad, could he? Well, in any case, this new asset isn’t good at all for Rogers. If Rogers is getting away with fighting aliens, than clearly this new asset couldn’t keep him safe either way.

Hydra probably just didn’t realize how much Rogers was worth, and that he needed to be protected at all costs in which case they would have used an underqualified asset.

The asset was sure that he was only working for Rogers in the beginning, when he wasn’t trained well. That explained everything.

After getting of the plane and out of the airport without an incident the asset decided to walk around in the city until he could find some eating substance.

His stomach was starting to make noises, and he knew that meant he was low on energy and that he needed to refill. He bought a sandwich at a local store and made his way toward Dumbarton Oaks Park to eat his food in silence.

After eating the sandwich, the asset went back to working on his plan to keep Rogers safe. The asset needed to find the best place to gather information about Rogers. He needed to fing a handler. He looked around him until he spotted what appeared to be a civilian in a suit. The guy looked like he could be a handler. He was also staring at the asset with contempt, which was how handlers always looked at him.

He stood up, wiped his hands clean on his pants, and made his way over to the handler.

“I need directions.” There. Handlers didn’t like it when he talked, so he always tried to keep his sentences as short as possible.

“I’m sorry, what? Where do you even want to go?”

The asset frowned. Ok. So, maybe this handler wanted to hear more specific requests.

“I need to look up information.”

“Well, the closest library is in Georgetown University. Here, I’ll look for the instructions on my phone.”

“Thanks, pall” the asset said. He didn’t even know why he said that. Since when did he even say ‘pall’? Was he allowed to say that?

He looked very closely at the man, but this handler acted like everything was normal so the asset wasn't too worried.

After getting instructions from the probably-handler he started to make his way towards Georgetown University. The buildings were all gigantic and it made the asset feel distinctly out of place. He managed to sneak into the library and started researching everything he could about Steve Rogers.

The asset sat there for the rest of the day, pouring over all the books he could find about captain America. He didn’t even move when someone came to tell him that the library was going to close any moment now at the end of the day. The books were confusing him, nothing made any sense.

According to the books hydra wasn’t good, it was evil.

He wasn’t Steve’s asset, he was his friend.

His name was James Buchanan Barnes

He… died?

The Asset ran from the table he had claimed at the library and went into the bathroom just before he fell down on his knees. He felt his breath quicken with every inhale, and he began to have trouble breathing.

Hydra was evil. It was evil, it tried to kill Steve. He was working for hydra, he had killed for hydra... Did that mean he was evil as well?

The asset felt his heart rate quicken and it began to become even harder to breath. He wasn’t getting any air!

If he was evil and Steve was good, would Steve even want to be his friend?

The asset began to feel light-headed…

He tried to control his breathing, but all that came out instead was a choked of sob.

He tried to stay as quiet as possible as he lay on the floor and cried his heart out. He realized for the first time in a long while that he was completely and utterly alone in this situation. All his family and friends were dead, except for Steve.

Little Stevie, who he had always loved, but never even told how he felt about him.

How was he going to tell Steve all the things that he did? What would he even do?

There was no way Steve would want anything to do with Bucky, and Bucky would completely understand. This is so much worse than before. Before, only he knew that he was in the wrong, but now everyone will think of him as a monster.

The asset… no, his name was Bucky. Bucky growled to himself. Hydra had stolen everything from him. His life, his name, his memories, Steve… and here he was, crying on a goddamn bathroom floor.

He didn’t know what to do, and he hated it. The only thing he knew was that he wanted to see Stevie, to make sure that he was all right at least. And if he was happy, than Bucky would gladly back off and leave Steve alone. Because Bucky would only make things worse.

Bucky lifted himself up from the floor, and cleaned his face before going out of the bathroom.

He went outside and stole another car near the university, and started the 5 hour trip to Brooklyn. He still didn’t know where Steve lived exactly, but he was sure that Steve would want to live in Brooklyn. They were both Brooklyn boys through and through, and nothing was going to change that.

When he got there he immediately parked the car somewhere and started to make his way through the streets. It was weird, he recognized most of the buildings but everything was different at the same time. It was like waking up and suddenly seeing everything you expect to see but only in a different color.

He walked to all the places that seemed even vaguely familiar to him, their old apartment, Steve’s house, his parent’s house, the school, the dance hall, the park… but Steve was nowhere to be seen.

It stayed that way for the next couple of days. Bucky would get up, eat something, wander aimlessly through Brooklyn, go back to the car to sleep a bit, and get up again.

Bucky was seconds away from storming the freaking Stark Tower when he suddenly saw Steve walking in the distance. He felt his mouth go dry and his hands started to get clammy. This was it. He was really here, _Steve_ was really here.

Steve…

Steve looked sad.

Why was he looking sad? He looked like a goddamn abandoned puppy.

Stop looking sad, Steve.

Bucky shadowed Steve while he went to the store and back home (exciting, I know).

He followed Steve until he got to his apartment, and watched him enter on his own.

This was it.

This was really it.

Steve hadn't looked happy, so Bucky was going to make contact, and... and if Steve didn't want to see him again, than Bucky would accept that fact.

After a while he went to the front door and, after hovering with his hand in front of the door for a while, knocked hesitantly.

The door opened and-

“Bucky?” Steve looked at him like he had seen a ghost.

This was going to be hard to explain. He was going to have to tell Steve everything he’d done. This was going to hurt them both like hell.

But they’ll be together.

Bucky looked up and stared back in Steve’s eyes.

“Hey there, Stevie” he said softly, right before Steve wrapped his arms around him and held him like he was never going to let him go.

“oh god. Thank god.” Steve started sobbing.

Bucky smiled as he laid his head on Steve’s shoulder and ignored the wetness around his own eyes.

He lifted up his arms and hugged Steve back.

He was home.


End file.
